Once upon a time, there was a parent who had a daughter in year six.

One day the King sent for the parent, but when the parent stood before the King, she became frightened and blurted out the first thing that came into her head, “My daughter is so clever, she can pass whatever assessment is put in front of her, she doesn’t need to know the full syllabus and she even knows what a relative clause is.”

“Your daughter is indeed clever, if she can do as you say,” answered the King. “Let’s make all children across the land, prove they are as clever as her”

The next day, the King ordered all year six children to come to the Palace, were he lead them into a room filled only with desks, chairs, assessment papers and pens.

“Now get to work,” the King shouted. “Anyone who doesn’t pass this test, will have to stay in year six until they do”

As he said these words, the King left the room and locked the door. Most of the children, sat down on a chair and began to cry, they did not know what to do and they had no idea what a relative clause was.

After a few minutes, the door opened and a  magician  appeared, “why are all you children crying?” he asked. “We don’t know what to do,” wailed the children together, “we have to take this test or we will remain in year six for forever.”

“I do know what to do” said the magician, but I will need something in return. “You can take our mobile phones” said the children.

The magician said some unusual words that the children did not recognise, and magically their assessment papers were completed, with handwriting which was unique to every child.

“Now the King will think you are all as clever as each other,” said the magician as he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

When the King returned later to see how the children were getting on, he could not believe that all the children had completed the assessment. He called the ‘Royal Marker’ who had to stay up all night making sure all the assessment papers were correct.

In the morning, the Royal Marker, informed the King that all the children had completed the assessment papers correctly. “They are indeed clever children,” thought the King, “I need to test them again, with some more difficult assessments, I wonder if they know what contracted forms, modal verbs and subordinate clauses are?”

When the King arrived to speak to the children, they thought they would be going home, but the King lead them to another room, where two assessment papers were waiting on individual desks for them.

The King once again, told the children they had to take the assessment and pass or they would stay in year six, and then he locked the door.

As had happened the day before, as soon as the King had gone, the magician who had helped the children appeared. “I can help you again,” he said, “but this time you must give me your gaming passwords” Again the children agreed and the magician said some unusual words and their assessment papers were completed.

Over several days the King kept making the assessment papers more difficult and  the children with the help of the magician managed to trick the King into thinking they could answer them all.

On the fifth day, the King promised that if the children could complete all ten assessment papers, this would be their passport to either an Oxbridge or a Russell Group University, as it showed that they were all clever. The children did not know what this meant, it was nearly as stange as the magician who was helping them pass the assessments, so they agreed.

And this is where my modern fairytale has to stop as it cannot keep up with the story of Rumpelstiltskin.

In the tale told in  Ladybird’s well loved tales, a miller’s daughter is asked to spin straw into gold, and when she is successful with the help of a character called Rumpelstiltskin, she has a happily ever and marries a King. The story does take another nasty turn, but the Queen triumphs in the end.

Unfortunately in this modern tale, there is no happily ever, our year six children have just taken a range of tests which if they do not ‘pass’ will have to repeat again at secondary school and there is no opportunity for triumph.

The reward is not bags of gold, or marrying a King, like in the traditional fairy tales, but resits  and taking more tests and assessments until children are ‘deemed clever enough’ to meet a national standard which appears to have been set with no consideration of even a simple distribution curve.

We do not know what the impact of this will be on a whole generation of children but I know many children at eleven and beyond, who do not know what the active voice is or what a subordinating conjunction, nor do they ever need to know.

I know for example, that at 16, my nephew would not be able to able to take the current year 6 assessments and score anything at all, he is still practising writing his name.

We have not got a Rumpelstiltskin to spin straw into gold for us, or a magician to help children pass unrealistic assessments so let’s stop this now, so we can change the ending to a happy one.